Friday, March 19, 2010

11 days

The future is so uncertain right now. My stomach does flips every time I think about it, so I try to keep my mind busy with this, that, and the other thing. Anything other than the probable "no" we will receive in 11 days.

Even though I know how unlikely the change is, my heart still dares to carry a little hope. A little hope that my blessed husband will be able to be near the ocean again. A little hope that my innocent children can live in a city that isn't littered with casinos and porn boxes on every corner. A little hope that we will know the taste of living near family again. A little hope of having a home with a yard and a kitchen where more than two people can stand at one time. A little hope. A glimmer.

And yet, I prepare for disappointment. I prepare for another year or two in a dry, deserted city of sin. I prepare for holidays filled with loneliness and longing for a house full of family. And I know that even in those days of disappointment, we have a Friend who will never leave us or forsake us. A Friend who has our best interests in mind. A Friend who has big plans for us.

HE is a Hope to cling to.

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