Friday, April 23, 2010

A sonnet

You do not know the pain that you’ve caused me.
You do not care that your words left a hole.
You keep on living life so selfishly,
While I cover the marks left on my soul.

You do not care that I cannot forget.
The words you spewed keep whirling through my mind.
I toss and turn and find no rest and yet,
You sleep without a care, sweet dreams you find.

I lift my mask to cover up the ache,
I don’t want you to see what you have done.
The smile I wear, I wear it for your sake
In hopes that it will help in the long run.

The one who guards his mouth preserves his life,
The fool speaks quickly, his lips causing strife.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Words

He who guards his mouth and his tongue, guards his soul from troubles. Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

A fool always loses his temper. A fool's lips bring strife. A fool's mouth is his ruin, and his lips are the snare of his soul. With the mouth of the foolish, ruin is at hand. An evil man is ensnared by the transgression of his lips. When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable. Any fool will quarrel.

He who restrains his words has knowledge. The heart of the wise instructs his mouth. The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer. The lips of the wise spread knowledge. The mouth of the righteous flows with wisdom. The lips of the righteous bring forth what is acceptable. The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life. How delightful is a timely word! Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. He who speaks right is loved.

The one who guards his mouth preserves his life; the one who opens his lips comes to ruin. Death and life are in the power of the tongue.

Lord, keep me quiet.

Undeserved.

On days like this, I want to run away.

Nothing I do is good enough. Even though I spend 2 hours cleaning, the microwave is still dirty, and of course that is what gets noticed. Even though I spend $100 at the grocery store, and stock up on nearly everything, I forget batteries and today someone needs batteries. I get up at 5am, and even though I have an hour and a half before the kids get up, I still don't crack open my Bible. I yell at the kids, I yell at the husband, I want to punch a wall.

On days like this I want to run away. I want to go somewhere that nobody cares if the floor is mopped. I want to just be alone with nobody feeling disappointed in me.

The problem with that is that I will always feel disappointed with myself. I will always know that even though I swept the floor, there are still dust bunnies under the couch. And even though I cleared 3 garbage bags of junk out of the house, there are still 6 more closets to sort through. And even though I love my husband, I screamed at him and acted mean and unloving. And I'll see the eyes of my kids as they wonder why mommy isn't being nice today.

I feel like a constant disappointment. A disappointment as a wife, a disappointment as a mother, a disappointment as a friend, a disappointment as a daughter, a disappointment as a sister, a disappointment to myself, and most of all a disappointment to my God.

And then this. Love freely given. Undeserved.

"For we also were foolish ourselves, disobedient, deceived, enslaved to various lusts and pleasures, spending our life in malice and envy, hateful, hating one another. But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared, He saves us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to his mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by His grace we would be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life." Titus 3:3-7

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Hardly Supermom

Sometimes I really get tired of the nicknames that others give me. Supermom, superwoman, I even had a lady call me "Mary Poppins" the other day. Yeah right. I don't feel like I do any more than any stay at home mom does. In fact, I feel like I do much less than I should.

Yes, the dishes get done, and the trash goes out, and the laundry gets folded, and the toilet gets scrubbed (well, sometimes), and the bed gets made, and the kids get fed, and the floor gets swept... But what about the important things? What about spending time teaching my children about the only One who can save them? What about getting up early for some alone time with God? What about putting down the unfolded laundry, and choosing to help a little one with a puzzle. What about playing ballerina and doing somersaults on the bed? What about cuddling the children and spending time saying goodnight?

When did a clean house and facebook become more important than the four little blessings that God has entrusted to me? When did my priorities become so upside down that I put a clean kitchen in front of making my children smile?

If I have the gift of prophecy, and know my children’s bents and God’s plan for their lives, and know all mysteries and all knowledge, and am the keeper of the teacher’s editions and solutions manuals, and if I have all faith, so as to move mountains, and even keep up with my giant piles of laundry and dishes, but do not have love, I am nothing, even if all the people at church think I’m Supermom. ~Misty Krasawski