Saturday, November 20, 2010

I get it.

Every day there is another story on the news about a cruel mother. You know the one. The mother who snapped one day and did something unthinkable. Maybe she locked her kids in a closet and walked away for a few hours. Maybe she ran away from her family and never looked back. Maybe she put everyone into the car and drove into a lake.

I used to be the kind of person who seriously hated mothers who did those things. I couldn't conceive of how any mother could hurt her children or run away from them. I didn't understand how someone could get to that point. Why didn't she just call her husband or a friend? Why didn't she get some help? Could it really be all that bad?

I get it now.

Don't get me wrong. I have no intention of hurting my children or running away. But I get it. I get the hopeless feeling. I get not knowing if you are going to make it through the day. I get feeling all alone, and like there isn't a person in the world to call that would make it any better. I get not knowing if I will make it through another moment as a mother, let alone another day. Or month. Or year. I get just wanting some quiet, some space, even just a moment where there isn't someone who needs something.

I think most moms have been there. I think most moms have had days when they didn't know how they would make it through another moment. Days that felt hopeless and isolated. A few moms actually snap. They lose it completely and do something horrible. Others make it through somehow and hopefully come out better on the other side.

I know I should have some fabulous resolution to this post, but I don't. I'm still in the throws of one of "those days". I'm still wondering if I'm going to make it. I'm still desperately needing some space or some love or something. But I know that usually when I have days like this, tomorrow is better. We make it through, and we survive. And maybe I come out with a little more compassion for other moms than I had the day before.

1 comment:

  1. Laura Jean, I wish I knew how to convince you to quit looking for space when you need shelter, or answers when you already have them, and love when it is freely offered.