Sunday, November 21, 2010

Blue Carebear Blanket

She wanders around the house with weary eyes. The sound coming from her mouth isn't pleasant, and is difficult to deal with. We love this little one so much, but she can be so difficult sometimes. Ray tried everything tonight. He tried cuddling her, and she pushed him away. He tried playing with her, and it wasn't enough. He tried giving in to her desires, and she still complained.

There is one thing that settles this little one down almost every time she gets in this sort of a mood. I knew what she needed.

So I got out the blue carebear quilt, and laid it out on the floor. I gently placed the discontent little one in the middle of the quilt, and she immediately started to calm down. I wrapped her up tightly in a way reminiscent of the way she was swaddled the first time the nurses handed her to me 19 months ago. I picked her up, held her close to my growing belly, and rocked her carefully. She gazed into my eyes as I sang. "Hush little baby don't say a word. Mama's gonna buy you a mocking bird." All fight was gone from her body as she relaxed into mine. We rocked and sang and rocked and sang until she was ready to face reality again.

This little one is so much like her Mama. So much like me...walking around discontent, grumbling and fussing and complaining and making everyone around me miserable. Refusing to accept the love of others and being too stubborn to receive the help that is offered. The major difference is that Kay has learned to recognize and welcome the blue carebear blanket. She knows it means the comfort and acceptance of mama. She knows that she is safe wrapped up tightly in the warmth of my arms.

I continue to fight it, yet I long for that security. The security that is offered in the shadow of His wings.

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, "My refuge and fortress, my God, in whom I trust!" For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his pinions, and under His wings you may seek refuge; His faithfulness is a shield bulwark. Psalm 91:1-4

Lord, I long to rest in you. I yearn for the refuge and security that you offer, yet I continue to pull away and resist the protection that You have already granted me. Break my stubborn spirit, and hold me close. Don't give up on me.

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