Saturday, January 15, 2011

Beam

I stand in the kitchen, hunched over, head in hands, tears flowing.  Tears of anger and regret.  Tears of loss and hopelessness.  Thoughts flow through my mind faster than I can process them.  Thoughts of blame and fury  and discontent and complaint and longing. 

A little one comes into the kitchen and asks me what is wrong.  Instead of embracing him and thanking him for his spirit of compassion, I snap at him and tell him to go away.  All the while, my heart aches and burns and I hate myself for my harsh words.  Part of me wants to call him back and hug him and ask his forgiveness, but my selfish side wins and I continue to wallow in self-pity.

Eventually, the tears cease and I'm left raw and exposed.  Face red, hands shaking, my thoughts continue to bombard me. 

And then a still, small voice.  Words spoken to the depths of my soul, not in condemnation, but in love.  Words that act as a healing balm to my broken heart. 

"...Remove the beam from your own eye..."

Words that often frustrate me, today act as a much needed reminder.  My thoughts change from those of accusation to those of introspection.  I realize I am not any better.  I know that my behavior must change.

I bow my head and I put my trust in Him.  I pour out my heart to Him for He is my refuge. 

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