Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Hope

2010 didn't begin well at all.  Reading through some of my writings from January 2010 brings back a flood of bad memories.

"...We fight, spew hateful words, give each other the cold shoulder, avoid each other as much as possible.  Sometimes I think I must hate you.  I know that I hate what we have become.  I hate being in (what feels at times like) a loveless marriage."

"...It's been a long time since we were passionately in love.  It's been a long time since we longed to see each other.  It's been a long time since just being together made everything seem wonderful.  I miss those long ago days."

"...Oh God, convict Ray's spirit.  Let him see his need for fellowship and teaching.  Let him look past the politics and past the human nature, and let him thirst for You.  Amen."

"...The days are so long.  Sometimes I feel like I am withering away.  The lack of intimacy and affection in our marriage has started to cause me physical pain.  I miss you so much.  I wish you wanted me."

Just a few short months ago, yet a lifetime.  Today, at the start of 2011, we have found HOPE.  Our marriage has seen so much change in the last few months.  More than I have been comfortable with, to be honest.  But it is good change.  It is change that was so necessary and needed. 

2010 will forever be remembered by me and Ray as the year of change and hope.  I wonder what 2011 will be remembered for?

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