Sunday, March 27, 2011

Invisible

I feel invisible.  My smiles are met with blank stares.  My efforts at kindness are visibly ignored.  I turn away so that my tears won't be noticed.  I wonder why I continue to be rejected.  I wonder what I am doing wrong.  Is there something wrong with me? 

I contemplate giving up.  I can't help but think that maybe my energy is being wasted by even trying when time and time again I am overlooked.  I feel so small.

I don't want attention.  I don't want praise and admiration.  I just long to be noticed.  I long to be received.

I try to bear in mind that I'm accepted by the One who matters most.  I remind myself that He remembers even the birds, and that I am more valuable to Him than many sparrows

But my tears soak my pillow.  My stomach turns when I think about facing the dismissal time and time again. 

The Bible says to think on things that are true.  So instead of dwelling on my feelings, I must make an active choice to remember His promises.  To remember who I am to Him

Other people may not know me or care to get to know me.  Other people may not notice me or the efforts I make to be a friend.  But my God? 

My God knows me.
My God understands me. 
My God studies me.
My God rejoices over me.
My God takes great delight in me.

What more could I ever need?

2 comments:

  1. Laura,
    At the ladies retreat I went to this past weekend, I went to a session where we watched a Beth Moore video on a fruit of the Spirit. The one I chose to watch was the one on love. It specifically focused on rejection and what that does to us as women. At the end of the video, there was a little skit and after watching it, I had tears streaming down my face. Rejection is so hard. But as Beth Moore points out, even when we pour "apples of goodness and love" into people and they don't accept it, God is there, accepting it from us an He is well pleased. It's never in vain. It was a powerful message and I can totally relate to the way you feel as described in this blog post. Hugs and prayers!

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