I feel invisible. My smiles are met with blank stares. My efforts at kindness are visibly ignored. I turn away so that my tears won't be noticed. I wonder why I continue to be rejected. I wonder what I am doing wrong. Is there something wrong with me?
I contemplate giving up. I can't help but think that maybe my energy is being wasted by even trying when time and time again I am overlooked. I feel so small.
I don't want attention. I don't want praise and admiration. I just long to be noticed. I long to be received.
I try to bear in mind that I'm accepted by the One who matters most. I remind myself that He remembers even the birds, and that I am more valuable to Him than many sparrows.
But my tears soak my pillow. My stomach turns when I think about facing the dismissal time and time again.
The Bible says to think on things that are true. So instead of dwelling on my feelings, I must make an active choice to remember His promises. To remember who I am to Him.
Other people may not know me or care to get to know me. Other people may not notice me or the efforts I make to be a friend. But my God?
My God knows me.
My God understands me.
My God studies me.
My God rejoices over me.
My God takes great delight in me.
What more could I ever need?